An Honest Review Of: The Black Mirror Porn Parody - Pink Mirror

Previously on An Honest Review....

So, remember how in the last entry I talked about how WoodRocket had put out a parody where the creepy-dad factor trumped them all? And then I casually mentioned how I may do that one next (total easter egg)? Well, I'm not one to break promises so here we go. Before we go into this, just let me warn you, the scene ends with me cuddling in bed with my very naked daughter and her very naked lesbian friend holding a dildo while I smile like an absolute idiot who appears to be sitting on a Sybian (google it... er.... or don't). Frightening image, isn't it? Don't worry, there's no full-frontal on my part... or is there? Stayed tuned as I give an honest review of...

The Black Mirror Porn Parody: Pink Mirror (Woodrocket) - June 13, 2019

In case you're not in the know, this particular Woodrocket parody was a play on the Black Mirror Netflix debut with Miley Cyrus. I would tell you what it was about, but honestly, I didn't watch it. I'm a busy guy. Naturally, I assume it's more or less the same plot as Woodrocket's, which is about a Miley look-alike named Smashley O (played by Chloe Cherry) and her new interactive sex toy Smashley Too (not the number two, which she explained very eloquently near the beginning to prematurely tie up any loose ends). The scene starts with Smashley introducing and promoting this new innovative invention on a futuristic talk show (hosted by Will Tile in a glittery hat). She explains how Smashley Too was created by using future space-age technology that involved a scan of her, and I quote, "bandersnatch" (which hilariously was just her squatting over an old printer with laser pointers). And get this, THE SEX TOY TALKS. Damn right it does. It has a digital face and a personality and everything. This is the mother fucking future. 

Anyways while that's all relevant to the actual story, it's not totally relevant to the point of this blog, which is me and my versatile acting chops. The scene cuts to my daughter (played by Alex More), sitting on her bed, watching that Smashley interview when I walk in, looking as dorkingly as usual (Wait, I...is that my niche?). I don't knock or anything because I don't believe in privacy. Instead, I barge in, announcing that I'm home from work after a long day as a Humane Dick Exterminator (complete with truck that looks slightly like the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile). But that's not all. I also came bearing gifts, or rather one gift. Why? Well, because it's my daughter's (of course) 18th birthday. Now I'm sure you're all guessing it's probably like a gift certificate to Sephora or a laptop for school or something a normal father would give to their daughters, but alas, no. I'm a cool dad (just like in the last blog) and I gotta make sure I'm up to date with the trendiest gadgets and technology. You see, I have a whole backstory for my character. In fact, I always have elaborate backstories for all my characters. Usually they consist of me having all the suave and dignity of Kirk Van Houten. In this particular instance, it's important I appear more hip than her mom (who I just know is cheating on me, and knows that I know and doesn't care because my character has poor judgment when it comes to women. Yes... "my character"). Sooo, what's cooler than a sex toy, right? Hey, if I can buy my daughter a mustang for university to meet dudes, I sure as shit can buy my daughter a vibrator, right? Anyways, I'm sure you've already figured out by now that I didn't just buy her some random piece of plastic from ye 'ol sex shop. Hell no, I bought her a goddamn Smashley Too, which is super impressive because my daughter was literally watching the live show that Smashley announced its release when I sprung it on her (ok, wrong choice of words). One of the many benefits of being a member of the Smashley O fanclub.

She unboxes it and looks at it with a blank look on her face, probably because she's both super excited for such an awesome gift and also super weirded out. Fortunately, even my porno dad character acknowledges the awkwardness by explaining that it's not weird because it's porn and I'm only her STEPdad. I then leave but not before telling her to have fun with her robot vibe. I just threw up in my mouth a little. I'm pretty sure my character has a hidden camera all set up in there and i'm watching from the bathroom on my phone. I'm straight-up going to jail.

So, fast forward, blah blah blah, Smashley O somehow ends up at MY FUCKING HOUSE and has a threesome with my daughter and Smashley Too. I don't know how she got in. Did she break in to my house? Is this TMZ-worthy? Superceleb charged with B&E. Maybe I left the door open because it seems like something my dimwitted brain would do after a long day of dick extracting. Also, how did she know where we lived? Whatever, great scene I'm sure. I didn't watch it but everything WR does is awesome so I doubt this was any different.

Ok, NOW's where it gets weird. The two girls are lying together naked in bed, basking in the afterglow while talking about how they're now best friends and that they're gonna do everything together, because celebrities love hanging around superfans, right? Talking dildo asks, "what about me?" and the girls laugh and hug it. Very sweet and wholesome. And then I walk in, make THE MOST DISTURBING FACE I'VE EVER MADE, and ask THE SAME FUCKING QUESTION! Not quite as wholesome. I think I just asked to have a threesome with my daught... i mean my STEPdaughter and superceleb Smashley O. They laugh and wave me over, apparently DTFF (down to father fuck) and I bring back that oh-so-charming idiotic sybian-riding grin previously seen earlier. And that's how it ends, all of us laughing, me with a face akin to the pleasure of giving myself a handjob. If I was a bad father based on that Brazzers scene, I'm an even WORSE stepfather based on this. 

On the other hand, it's pretty cool to bang a celebrity, so I guess I got some cool dad points for that. Plus my daugh... sorry, STEPdaughter loved my gift. Come on, we all worry about whether or not people like the gifts we buy them. I fucking nailed this one without even including a card. Let's see Loraine, that cheating bitch, top THAT! 

How Did I Do? It wasn't my most prominent role, but I will admit it was hella effective at nailing the county bumpkin, Danny Tanner-lite harmless dad who also doubles as a serial sexual predator ala Bob Saget (please don't sue me). I appear twice, once to give my daught.... damnit, STEPdaughter a sex toy, and, again, later to snake my way into bed with her and her naked lesbian celebrity best friend who'd just met about 30 minutes earlier. The biggest difference between this dad scene and the one I reviewed last week is that I was in my early 40s for this one and hence actually old enough to be Alex Cole's father in real life, which, for me, made it waaaay creepier. Hell, I'm pretty sure i'm twice her age now that I think about it. And, weirdly, it made it easier in that the ability to act like a pseudo-sexual deviant almost came naturally. I'm only a couple years and a few more grey hairs from being the impotent grandpa lurking in the shadows like an Anthony Hopkins character (please don't sue me). Admittedly, playing the dad isn't my favorite thing in the world, but I do appreciate that it lets me make everyone as uncomfortable as possible, which is like a fetish for me. Sorry team.

Anyways, go check it out on Woodrocket.com